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We were getting ready for a trip to the Red Hook Recreational Center, Henry and I; it was a hot day, and we were going to spend it in an Olympic-sized toddler pool (oh, if only there were a toddler Olympics you imagine such a thing? The track-and-field contenders,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], wandering off during the 800 to demand some Goldfish? The steroid-fueled tantrums? The swimmers trying to execute a perfect breaststroke while wearing water wings? I COULD GO ON). Ten inches deep all around and surrounded by sprinklers, the toddler pool is sort of like standing in a clogged gutter during a heavy rain storm for Henry it means hours of unmitigated joy, so I slosh around while he shrieks and whoops and blaaarrghs.
I was searching through Henry various piles of clothing for his bathing suit when Henry came to see what I was up to. As he walked my way, he glanced down, said,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and leapt into my arms. bee! he cried. I looked down at where he was pointing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and hmm, there seemed to be a caterpillar or something on his carpet, what could that be OH SWEET CHRIST OH MOMMY MOMMY HELP ME---
I knew the last time I encountered a waterbug wouldn be the last time,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], literally. But usually, as I have noted in the past, any waterbugs out in the open have had the decency to at least be at death door. But this waterbug wasn even a little sick. It wasn flailing about piteously. It was not coughing. It was ambling across my son carpet, perfectly healthy, and heading right toward us.
Clutching my slightly freaked son in my arms, I jumped over it OH GOD OH GOD and ran toward the living room. here, Henry! I cried out calmly. some TV! Don move! Mommy will be right back! Mommy wants to die,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but that okay! bee! he repeated.
nothing to worry about! I shrieked. just a nice bug paying us a visit!"
He didn look like he was buying it, so I added,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], ha! grabbed the canister of ant-and-roach death spray, and tried to head toward Henry room. Only I couldn move. And there was this whimpering sound. Coming out of my head. I had to do something! My child was staring at me. a fly! he called out helpfully. Yes. Yes,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I will pretend it just a fly. A giant fly with long spindly legs and inch-long antennae and a fingernail-thick carapace who emerged from the depths of our basement to spread disease and ick all about my son carpet,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], OH PLEASE NO--
No, I would need more than that to go in there and get the job done.
So I named it! A waterbug with a name will not scare me, I reasoned with my usual infallibility! I shall name him Sean! No,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], better The unfortunately named Shaun lives in his mom basement and still feathers his hair; he most definitely cannot terrorize the likes of me. I would enter my son room and put poor Shaun out of his misery. Oh, Shaun never had a chance in this world.
The story of what happens after this is long and drawn-out and involves much screaming and clutching of the hair and whacking and spraying (while the child sat on the couch, watching Noggin and calling out every few minutes, a fly! Bzz! All I can tell you is that in the end, Shaun corpse lay underneath a Tupperware container, waiting for my husband to come home and give him a decent burial. As for Henry,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], he spent the day getting as wet and wild as a toddler can legally become,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], while his mother followed him around,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], staring off into the distance with a haunted expression on her face, shuddering at some unseen horror.
OMG! Laughing my ass off over this - not that I am happy you had to endure this but becaue not that many months ago my toddler was sitting on our couch giving helpful commentary while I chased a giant spider around (knowing full well that if I were not a mama I would just have been outside waiting for hours for my husband to come home and track it down and kill it) . not to clog up your comments with the long version, the short version is that it ended much like your adventure: with the creature under a bowl waiting for my hubby to come home and kill it Ewwww! By the way, my name is Kara and I've been lurking around reading your blog for a few weeks now and you never fail to give me a grin. Thanks mama! Best Wishes!
AUUUGGGHHH!! Commence freaking out! I am itching all over after this post, and as I put my fingers on the keyboard SOMETHING FREAKING MOVED! It WAS only a fly but it was a big fat hairy fly and it jumped and flew off into the room somewhere but I jumped about thirty feet in the air thinking it was the ginormous waterbug from the computer screen and yelled AUUUGGHHH! And woke up my sleeping baby on my lap who is also now yelling AUUUGGHHH in harmony with me! And the fly! It is dive. bombing. What do I know. I'm from the place where the roaches are huge and brown and flying. And somehow thinking of them as beetles helped. Especially after my black breast pump bag appeared to move but it turned out to be a water bug. I've lost all fear. Disgust, I still have. But fear is now gone.
HA!Back in my day,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we had bugs like that, but they were 40x bigger! They'd be bigger than us,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and there would be nothing we could do about it! We'd be running around crying while a gigantic cockroach would be spewing acid in our faces,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and we had to just sit there and take it! One time I was fighting this 7 footer back in 43' and he laid egg's in my brain! And then I lost all my memory, and to this day, I cant remember anything for more that 2 minutes. Back in my day, we had bugs like that, but they were 40x bigger!
Hello, my name is Jen and I'm a Lurker. (All together now: "HELLO, JEN.")Okay, so I just spent my Friday night reading every one - yes, every one - of your entries. Mom, did you give the cat some kind of new black pom pom toy? He sure is going nutty over it. (and then the reality check)4. "Palmetto bugs," we called 'em in Florida. Whatever you call 'em, they're big-ass roaches. "Aha!" says I to myself. "Jeezis! They fly!!??!Well, after he landed on another wall (and my heart rate had settled down to a leisurely 200 beats per minute), I just took off my shoe and smashed him with the heel. In Texas, they don't kill 'em; they give 'em names.相关的主题文章：


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