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but are you brave enough to wear them
When in doubt on sizing, order down this is actually the advice in the sales assistant in American Apparel.
I am supporting a set of disco pants, the store best-selling item and, probably, because of the number of celebrities who have been spotted out and about inside them (Jessie J favours the gold version, Tulisa loves the red), the best-selling item in the country at this time.
I am forced to do something I haven done for a very, very long time. Most likely not since 1978, initially when i first spied Olivia Newton-John in those shiny black trousers that fit her like a second skin, walking down those stages in the closing funfair scenes of Grease.
I must lie on the ground of the changing room, my feet protruding underneath the curtain just like a corpse, hook the zip with a coat hanger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and attempt to pull them up. Then i stand, but find I cannot bend in the middle.
My thighs resemble sausages. My feet start to turn blue, as I have stop the blood supply. I begin to worry very seriously about deep vein thrombosis.
Why are these disco pants obtainable in purple, grey, red and Olivia Newton-John black suddenly so in vogue? According to all of the fashion bunnies I talk to at the Woolmark Awards in London on Thursday, for the reason that they have a high waist, which provides a corset: body fat doesn bubble out until it reaches your bust, where it can be encased in your bra.
The trousers are indeed just like a giant pair of Spanx: they hold inside your bottom and thighs (they've five pockets, however, you will never,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], ever be able to place anything in those pockets, not even a postage stamp), although one young woman at the annual awards, which celebrate innovation in wool, informs me that when she wore a pair,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], some of her fat spilled out downwards within the strap of her Mary Janes. Yeew!
This is the only reason they're selling out: women think they make them look thin,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
I recall the enormous impact Newton-John spidery legs had on all girls at my technical college.
Even though we couldn find the identical pair of shiny trousers (i had to spend until 1981, after i started bulk-buying Lycra at the Pineapple Dance Shop eventually they cut my Access card in two), we all started wearing trousers that were far too small for all of us.
My favourites were brown loons so small I broke the zip, and they were held up for good after with a giant nappy pin. We would buy 26 waist pre-washed Levi 501s,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], too: these had an equally high waist, but given jeans in those times didn have a hint of stretch, would require hours spent flat about the bed before we're able to do in the buttons quickly.
The strategy of getting up from the prone position was important: you had to kind of use your elbows, back straight,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and crank yourself upright just like a mother, if you have up normally the fly would buckle in protest.
The impact of disco culture cannot be underestimated not only upon fashion, but also upon women psyches. In 1978, I'd two disco outfits: a denim boiler suit having a chain belt bought from Bonds in Chelmsford, along with a mauve pair of harem trousers having a mauve granddad shirt worn with gold strappy sandals from Maud Frizon.
But a minimum of dressing up in those days involved heading out and dancing, not only chasing men. I would wager men hate disco pants, given any woman putting them on will won't eat, take a seat or let him slide help around her waist (my waist in these pants feels like a much-mended bicycle inner tube).
I remember having very dried-out skin at relating to this time, too,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], due to the craze for washing one face using the yellow soap in the green drawer from Clinique.
They're those I'd like! Olivia Newton-John famously sports disco pants with John Travolta in Greece
Unfortunately, in the sametime, I also went for my one and only interview at Vogue: I wore a very tight set of black loons, and a huge white cobweb knit sweater to hide the overspill which was erupting during my tummy area. Obviously, I didn get the job.
Regardless of the fantastic sales, the disco pant isn't now a higher fashion item, although Tom Ford autumn-winter 2013 collection was very disco indeed, with very tight, very black trousers that have a little zip at the ankle,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], presumably to let out steam.
But nevertheless, ever the intrepid fashion guinea pig, I wear my pair towards the announcement of the winner of the European leg from the Woolmark Award,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], once given to Yves Saint Laurent and Karl Lagerfeld in the Fifties, but which goes to Antwerp-based designer Christian Wijnants (I know me neither).
SEW TIGHTOlivia Newton-John's leggings in Grease were so tight she'd to be sewn into them. She couldn't go the loo for the entire day's filming!
One of the reed-thin girls in colour blocking, acidic lace, sheer, military and head-to-toe florals, I still look more insane than all of them with my shiny sausage legs and pink face. As I stand near the legendary Alber Elbaz, the genius behind Lanvin, his distaste at my trousers is palpable.
How you can wear the disco pant? Well, I feel that, much like Sandy in Grease,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you'll need a killer pair of heels. You should only put them on at night, because putting them on on the streets of Covent Garden during the day I get a variety of puzzled looks.
These days, I team all of them with a baggy top, such as a truly Eighties disco asymmetric, one-shouldered, shot-with-Lurex baggy sweatshirt.
At the conclusion of my time-travelling experiment, I have to take a seat on the ground and peel the wretched pants from my legs. The seams are imprinted on my flesh days later. There are angry weals around my waist.
This isn't an outfit for the faint-hearted but, most important, if you're able to remember Newton-John tacky trousers in the first time around, step away from the disco pant. It a glance for the very young and long of limb, not the positively geriatric.
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